Hello 29!!

Yep, today I turn the big 2-9, the jumpin off place of 30. I know for some people this age is a big deal...in fact a friend of mine told me that one of her co-workers had a major depression after turning 30. I just don't understand the issue of age. I've never been ashamed of how old I am. I'm not THAT old...but I certainly look my age. I choose to look at myself and realize I'm not old, I don't feel old, I'm just wiser and more experienced than I was 10 years ago, and that's a good thing! I'm going to get older, which means I'm still alive and not dead...what a blessing!! I suppose my body is entitled to show its age considering what I've put it through...playing as a kid, depression as a teen, late night partying with friends in my early 20's, three kids, my thyroid retiring, even just living in Wisconsin and adjusting every year between sweltering hot and subzero freezing cold takes its toll. Okay body, you're entitled to sag a bit, develop a crinkle, crease or stretch mark here and there...you're holding me in so I can stay here and be a part of the lives of those close to me. And those lines that will start showing on my face...they'll come from laughing at the funny things that I'll experience, crying over the painful ones, worrying about my kids or loved ones; they'll serve as a map into my past created by the experiences life weathers me with. Okay, I can handle that too.

So, today I'm 29. I'm okay with that...I've earned every second I've been here, and I'm looking forward to the rest of the time I'm blessed to be here :o) Have a great one!!

Make It Worth It

So, I read a blog today that I've been following off of the Because I Said So blog by Dawn Meehan, about 4-1/2 year old Julian Avery, who succumbed to cancer yesterday. It reminded me of the day Derrick was born, being told that his little lungs weren't quite ready to process the air he needed to breathe now that he had fulfilled his goal of being born four weeks early, and that he might need a helicopter ride to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. I remember the fear that he might not make it, the hope that he would, the faith in the Lord that he wouldn't need to go, and how making those calls to friends and family were so different than all the others I'd made with my previous two boys. I look at Derrick now, 3 years old, blonde curls, big green eyes, 35 pounds of mischief wrapped up in a cute package of kissable love, and hope, once again, that I'll always be able to have all three of my goofy monsters around for a very long time, because despite the 3 weeks of daily hospital visits, the 3 swim suits and 3 sets of goggles we've gone through in the last 4 months for swim team, the ripped jeans and the unbearable frustration sometimes, I'll never regret that they're a major part of my life...ever. It's stories like Julian's that make me stop for a minute, look at my life and say "Okay, is it really THAT major? Will this matter in 5 years? In 5 minutes? Can I forgive this?" Of course, I can. I can forgive Trey for being irresponsible with his swim gear, even though it costs a fortune sometimes. I can forgive Talin for being rough on his pants legs and ripping holes in the knees. I can forgive Derrick for killing two fish we just got Friday night in less than 48 hours by giving them too much fish food. (I bet the fish are not too happy with me for that one, huh?) I can forgive my husband, family, friends....because in the end, it's not my opinion that matters anyways...it's God's.

Fly with the angels Julian...and thanks for touching my life. Run painlessly free now that your cancer is gone, and hug the angels and Jesus for me while you're busy being the little kid you didn't get a chance to be here with us. Thanks for bringing the important things back into focus for me.

Gotta Happen

Happy New Year to everyone!! I haven't set any resolutions...I really don't believe that setting a year-long resolution on any particular day of the year is going to motivate anyone to do that particular thing any better, more often or whatever. So, what I've done instead is done some introspection and decided that a few things need to get worked on better this year. So they're really not resolutions, I'm not resolving to do anything, just setting goals that I hope to be able to work on. There is no achievement level, there's no finish line, just stuff to keep an eye on throughout 2008.

1. Punctuality. I'm always late for everything. It's a huge pet peeve of my husband's, and I don't particularly like that trait in myself either. So I'm going to continue to work on that this year.

2. Weight. No, I'm not going on a diet. But sitting here and feeling short of breath because my heart is racing since I gained weight due to over-indulging myself at the six different Christmas parties we had throughout December doesn't make me feel particularly healthy. Thus, I'm going to take care of the one and only body I've been given to live in. I'll probably still be fat at the end of the year, but I'm going to be able to breathe, I'm not going to stay this heavy. It's not good for my heart. I'm not going to kill myself getting thin, but I'm not going to let myself stay on the self-destructive path to drowning myself in body fat either.

3. Organization. I hope to organize the house, little by little, during the next few months, so that when we (hopefully!!) get around to remodeling things, we won't have to clean them first, organize things, get rid of things, remodel whatever we're doing, then sort through and organize everything again. That just sounds like too much extra work on projects that are already going to be...well...gigantic. This goes for my time, too. I really need to figure out how to organize my time better...I don't seem to ever have enough, but looking at it I should have more than I need. Something isn't balancing out here.

4. Finances. I have some ideas I'd like to try this year, like saving $$ for fuel oil through the year instead of scrambling to find $460 like we had to this year. It was a train wreck. I hate waiting for tax season just to "catch up" on everything...I wanna use that money for other stuff, like remodeling the house, newer vehicles, furniture, etc. I've already literally frozen the credit cards...they need to be thawed before they can be used for anything...which should give us plenty of time to figure out if we really need the credit item or not. Hopefully that'll help keep us from sliding back down the slippery slope of debt!

So, those are my goals for this year. I'm not resolving to DO any of them, I'm setting goals, which to me doesn't sound quite as committed as setting a resolution LOL These are all things I want to do, I need to do, and now that they're in writing hopefully it'll be a little easier to see them through!